The Mullet Creation Story Poem

There once was a clean cut man who longed for something more

His fry cook suit was styley yes but his life was just a bore.

He dreamt of men who had done it right, rockin on the stage

Banging heads of flowing locks will never not be the rage

So he began to grow a kick ass mane and flaunt it oh so proud

He became a lone wolf rebel man and he stood out in a crowd

But Monday came and his fry cook boss scorned him like a child

“We’re high and tight at the Burger Shack our hair cannot be wild

Now cut that mop so you fit in, if you don’t you will be fired

So he moped on back to the trailer court with mind a little mired

What shall I do to maintain my edge and please my crappy boss

He spoke to himself in the bathroom mirror mourning the impending loss

But then it came like a burst of flame an idea that would change the world

Business on top, a party in back and a perm that would keep it curled

So when he went to work the very next day the cashier was a little smitten

She too wanted to rock the doo she was sick of being a kitten

So with the sheers she lopped her hair to resemble a highway cop

But in the rear she left it long so she’d fit in at the Harley Shop

The next day at work they saw each other and instantly fell in love

Then cut the sleeves off their flannel shirts and cut the fingers off their gloves

They got burley chains to attach their wallets to their acid washed blue jeans

And unlaced their Nike high tops and spoke of NASCAR dreams

Their love burned bright like a hockey fight and one day there came a child

It didn’t take long for it to have a shlong* and he made his parents seem mild

He proudly sported his perfect plumage at the Chucky Cheese

He strutted the isles of Walmart and brought them to their knees

It was a meteoric rise to the top for the bitchin style

Those who refrained were really lame or they were in denial

He left his mark on the Circle K crew and the throngs that ooed and awed

But they all noticed in the whirling dervish, something very flawed

They gnawed and chewed and kicked it around but it stuck in their gullet

Till one genius stood up and yelled aloud HEY let’s name it Mullet


*shlong – One of the many monikers for mullet…a combination of short and long

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