It took me tens of minutes to figure out how to put the God forsaken weed whacker string on the God forsaken weed whacker. It took me three seconds to create this cluster f*!k.
Here are some possibilities:
That half priced sushi I bought at the quickie mart was a bad idea.
Damn it, I forgot the pork rinds.
I’ve got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey.
Was his name Billy Bob or Bobby Bill?
Did he wear protection last night?
What the hell is Gonorrhea anyway, wasn’t she on Saturday Night Live?
Why does it burn when I pee?
Oh crap, did I leave the BBQ grill on in the house.
It’s all because of Obamacare and those bleeding heart commie liberals.
That toilet paper was like John Wayne, it doesn’t take shit off nobody.
This rash is killing me.
This duct tape bra chafes.
I should have worn a tube top.
My shins need a tan.
What was I thinking, this shiny purple purse with big silver rodeo buckles doesn’t match my black Walmart sneakers.
How was I supposed to know he was my cousin?
Budweiser gives me gas.
Boy howdy I should have worn underwear.
I wonder why we say “a pair of pants” when there is only one of them. Shouldn’t it be “a pant”?
Why is pubic hair curly?
I can’t believe that professional wrestling is fake.
Do farts have lumps?
The answer to the question, What is this femullet thinking…….. is
Man, my foot itches.
The dream of every man worth his salt had been achieved. I walked into the backyard of MY house and took a deep breath of MY air. In the words of Delmar O’Donnell (Oh Brother Where Art Thou), “You ain’t no kind of man if you ain’t got land.” It is very empowering to stand on your homestead, chin held high, making plans for customization and reveling in thoughts of tools you will get to buy to accomplish it. Visions of a basketball court, jacuzzi and a happy little tire swing danced through my mind but it was the fuzzy little chicks at the hardware store that enamored my daughter that convinced me the first order of business would be a chicken coop. I had never owned a farm animal before and the visual made me feel like the inspiration of a George Strait song. Continue reading